I've been having such a hard time with the practice for the last few months. My intention to keep up with the Sattipathana practice throughout the year has completely fallen off. I haven't been even keeping a regular sitting practice other than the weekly and monthly groups I sit with. That's not to say that there hasn't been a lot of mindful investigation, but really just a lack of the formal sitting and walking practice.
Lots of doubt (in which practice to focus on, not on the results of the practice) being pervasive. It's remained as my hidden hindrance as of late.
I'm on my way to trying to correct that. There is a certain amount of angst surrounding the fact that I haven't been sitting. Disappointment in myself, etc, etc.
Tomorrow I'm leaving for a weeklong loving kindness retreat, and then going directly to a family vacation. Should allow me some time to reflect on my practice.
The loving kindness practice seems to be what I keep coming back to, although I still want to be doing straight up mindfulness practice. I can see the part of me that just sees that as the "cooler" practice, although I know loving kindness just keeps on showing itself as what I really need right now.
